As I laid in bed that night all I could think about was why I shouldn’t do an adoption. How could I just give my baby up? Could strangers really love my baby as their own? I already loved my baby and I thought the best thing would for her to be with me. I kept thinking it would all work out. Keith would come back to me and my family would get me through all this.
That morning my mom kept me behind to talk to me some more. She told me about her friend’s daughter who called an adoption facilitator and ended up doing an adoption. My mom told me she setup a meeting for me to meet with her friend’s daughter, Cassie that afternoon. I can tell you I was so irritated my mom just went ahead and was making me talk to people. I wanted to figure this out on my own and didn’t want to deal with any more people.
Cassie was friendly and open. She shared her experience with me and was going through the same emotions and thoughts I had. She told me she met with Irene at Rainbow’s End and Irene gave her a bunch of information and went over all her options. Irene gave her profiles of families wanting to adopt. She picked a family and she got to meet with the adoptive parents. She really enjoyed that. She said she was sad and it took time after her son was born, but she doesn’t have any regrets about her decision. She said she got pictures and letters and she sees a boy who is really happy and loved. Cassie explained all the reasons why she chose adoption.
I was a little emotional after talking with Cassie and she comforted me and told me it’s normal I should feel the way I do. She said she wasn’t sure of her decision until she met the adoptive parents. She told me she still felt like a mom to her son and she gave him life she couldn’t provide. She said if I wanted to go talk to somebody about adoption, she would come with me. She said she could call the people that helped her. I still wasn’t sure, but after a few days after meeting Cassie, I got of hold of her and asked her if she could call the people that helped her and if she would come. She agreed. My mom wanted to be there too.
I was so nervous to go to the meting. Irene was so open and friendly with my mom and me. She was so happy to see Cassie and they seemed to have a friendship and Irene treated her like anyone else. And treated her with respect. Irene had a ton of questions. Questions that made me think. After going over everything she left me with a ton of paperwork to fill out and some profiles. I kind of just glanced at them but didn’t really look at them.
I’m not kidding when I tell you this part. When I got home I just threw all the papers on the floor not really wanting to look at them yet. It had been a long day and I was irritated with everything and everyone. But when I threw those papers on the floor, one of the profiles separated from the rest of the stack, Carol and Tim. I looked at their profile and I really liked it. I sat there in front of all this paper work and finally decided to look through the profiles. I just couldn’t get Carol and Tim out of my head. They seemed to be everything I dreamed a family should be. They had one adopted child and wanted to have more children and a sibling for their son. Cassie was right, you would just know the family you wanted. You would feel it. And she was right and it is hard to explain, but you just know.
Irene called me after a couple days and asked if I had any thoughts on the families or if I had questions. I told her which family I wanted and Irene said she would setup a meeting for us and get things going. Irene did just that and we had a meeting schedule with Carol and Time the following week.